I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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