I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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