He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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