I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When did angry sex become our thing?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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