It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
