All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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