We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
