So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just forgot I was standing up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
