glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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