Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
