carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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