...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
