Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
