Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
no, he came in my armpit
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
