I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
