i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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