I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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