Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
