I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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