I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
