I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
