i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize