He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
