You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize