Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
