it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
