I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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