that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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