Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
