I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
