i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I understand Curling. That high.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize