Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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