I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
