Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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