***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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