I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I look better un-naked...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
