I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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