the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
