spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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