I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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