Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
