Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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