like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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