I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
