Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
