I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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