I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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