If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
