I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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