they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize