Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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