I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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