i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize