I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
