i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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