wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm passing your future prison.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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