Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
