Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
