Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
