Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
