I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
