A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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