My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
