Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My feet surprised me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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