I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
