My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
