walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
