he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
