I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
