can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
