Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
