i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The struggles of a small town man whore
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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