dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
