Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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